The Geezer Golfers

In my hand I hold a ball....     white and dimpled, rather small....
Oh, how bland it does appear....    this harmless looking little sphere....
By its size I could not guess....     the awesome strength it does possess....
But since I fell beneath it's spell....     I've wandered through the fires of hell....
My life has not been quite the same....     Since I chose to play this simple game....
It rules my mind for hours on end...     A fortune it has made me spend....
It promises a thing called par....      If I can hit straight and far....
To master such a tiny ball....        should not be very hard at all ....
But my desires the ball refuses....     and does exactly like it chooses....
Often it will take a whim....    to hit a tree or take a swim....
With miles of grass on which to land....    it finds a tiny patch of sand....
Then has me offering up my soul....    if only it would find the hole....

Author Unknown

I've spent most of my life golfing,
the rest I've just wasted.

Bill Lyon

Golf is a game in which you yell "fore,"
shoot six, and write down five.

Frank Fontenot

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

Ron McCain

 If you woke up breathing, congratulations! 
You have another chance!

Nelson Boudreaux

When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm. 

Bill Mooreman

If God wanted me to touch my toes, 
he would have put them on my knees.

Tom Crosby

 

GOLF TERMS

  A 'James Joyce' - a putt that's an impossible read.

  A 'Rock Hudson' - it looked straight, but wasn't.

  A 'Saddam Hussein' - from one bunker into another.

 A 'Yasser Arafat' - butt ugly and in the sand.

  A 'John Kennedy Jr' - didn't make it over the water.

  A 'Rodney King' - over-clubbed.

  An 'O.J.  Simpson' - got away with it.

  A 'Princess Grace' - should have used a driver.

  A 'Princess Di' - shouldn't have used a driver.

    A 'Rush Limbaugh' - a bit too far to the right.

  A 'Nancy Pelosi' - way too far to the left.

  A 'Barbra Streisand' - ugly but still working.

  A 'Teddy Kennedy' - goes in the water, but jumps out.

 

I've learned that whatever hits the 
fan will not be evenly distributed.

Bert Lorio

Here is a test to find whether your
mission on earth is finished:
 If you're alive, it isn't.

Angus Carruth

They say golf is like life, but don't believe them.
Golf is more complicated than that.

Connie Hodgeson

Don't play too much golf.
       Two rounds a day are plenty.

Charlie Wall

May thy ball lie in green pastures --
and not in still waters.

Betsy Sullivan

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up
lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Carl Johnson

If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

Walter Brock

If you don't set goals in golf, you can't regret 
not reaching them.

Sherwood Dunnam

90% of the golf game is half mental.

The Head Geezer Golfer. 
Ray Zeppuhar

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. 
Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. 
The end.

Mike Hardy

Golf Advice

 
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART. 

2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP. 

3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN! 

4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING. 

5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER. 

6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE. 

7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU. 

8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS. 

9. QUIET PLEASE... WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING. 

10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, & TEE OFF.